He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
