So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Randomize
