hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
