There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Randomize
