What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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