Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
