Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
