someone threw a dead crab at me
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
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