please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Randomize
