I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
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