You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Randomize
