They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
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