She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Randomize
