well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
