you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
