Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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