Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
