we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
