I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize
