youre lurking in front of me
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
