and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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