Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Don't EVER smell your tampon
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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