I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I am available for nakedness
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
