That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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