you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
