After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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