I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize
