How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
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