I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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