I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
