you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
