i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
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