Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
