I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
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