WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
