I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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