i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
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