so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Randomize
