Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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