Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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