Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
