I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
