Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
