I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
