Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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