you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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