yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
