she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
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