A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
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