Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Randomize
