i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
