I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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