Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
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