Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
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