You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
